GenderFest

Arabic Poet : Traveling While Transgender

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 18:36:00 GMT

My heart sank as I read this. I understand the writer is Arabic -- though I'm not sure exactly where.

Transgender: Makeup tutorials, positive spaces, and isolation

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 18:12:00 GMT

I recently asked a select group of my Face Book friends for help with makeup. I’m very encouraged by the positive response I received – thanks everyone!

YouTube makeup tutorials were of course among the many suggestions. Internet makeup tutorials are nothing new, of course, and I do feel they have some communicative as well as instructional benefits to some in transgender community, especially those who, for any number of reasons – social geography perhaps – do not have access to positive reinforcing social environments. Central Illinois, as in my case, just doesn’t have near as much transgender-positive spaces as perhaps you would find in Seattle, San Francisco, or New York City.

Makeup tutorials, informative as they may be, fail to create any additional positive spaces. Central Illinois isn’t changing because of makeup tutorial videos. What needs to change is people’s attitudes – transforming spaces – retail stores, salon and beauty shops, restaurants – all socially public places – into somewhere where you can go and be a regular paying customer without regard to how you express your gender.

Transgenderism, which in this case, seems like an awful way to say “gender freedom”, is often very isolating. How many people wish to present themselves in a way that doesn’t conform to society’s “choose one of two boxes” mentality – but only feel free to do so inside their own home? I know what it’s like to feel like I can’t step outside on my back deck, for fear of my neighbors seeing what I’m wearing. It’s a terrible feeling – it can be a prison. While I wish I still had more of my “Who cares what other people think” mentality from my teenage years – having a family means that I don’t just make decisions for myself. My humiliation or embarrassment is one thing – my children’s is another. And if I didn’t everyday come across stories like “Tennessee Rep Would Stomp Trans Women To Death Given The Chance” (http://lezgetreal.com/2012/01/tennessee-rep-would-stomp-trans-women-to-death-given-the-chance/) or “Man Sought In Attack Of Transgender Girl” (http://www.wbaltv.com/r/30151389/detail.html), then maybe I could feel more comfortable.

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Transgender: Seeking Beauty Services

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 05:23:00 GMT

Making an appointment to get your hair done – nothing difficult about that, right? Now try explaining that you don’t have the first clue what you’re doing because… That’s the hard part. I don’t want to say “because I’m a guy” – if I want to have my hair or makeup done then I’m choosing to express myself outside of the bounds of “I’m a guy/I’m not a guy”. Maybe it’s the social conservativeness of Central Illinois, maybe it’s my own lack of self-confidence, maybe it’s something else. But somehow something as simple as seeking beauty services just exploded into my self-identity.

I do realize that it doesn’t have to be this hard – so maybe it is me. I’m a human being, I have the right to seek services just like anybody else. Illinois laws offer some legal protection and equality in some cases – but I don’t want to be the one to test or even need legal protection.

I’m not entirely closeted – so I do have a decent amount of experience in matters like this. I don’t have any qualms about going into any store and buying “female” things. Big stores like WalMart provide so much monotony for checkout clerks that most aren’t paying attention or just don’t care. I have had many sneers and comments of “Are you sure this is going to fit you?” But fairly early on, from my early twenties I suppose, I’ve been able to walk into Goodwill, buy several sacks full of lingerie, dresses, skirts, and prom dresses, and when the checkout lady said to me, “Are you dressing up tonight?” – my response was “You know it!”. My wife and I love shopping JC Penny’s after Christmas sales – she in the highly reduced Christmas items, me in clothes and shoes.

So it’s not that I have no experience here, or that I have so much trepidation that it’s insurmountable for me – But I’m not the usual client, and I’m not sure that trying to hide that does a lot of good. There’s this whole concept of “passing” – looking okay enough going out dressed that one isn’t noticeably different than any other female. At its worst, this concept of passing, of not being “read” as transgender, becomes so consuming to a transgender individual that it is psychological self-torture. “Are you sure I look okay?” “Should I do this?” “Should I not do that?” “How did this person respond?” My poor wife has had to tolerate so much hyper self-consciousness from me. At its best, though, this awareness keeps us safe – people can and do get harassed, assaulted, and murdered for being transgender.

Wow! And all I wanted was my hair done – or makeup lessons. But I have to be honest about where I’m coming from. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t have the foundational knowledge that some women will say that learned at 12, 13, 14 years old experimenting with hair, makeup, clothes, self-image.

I still need that foundational knowledge – I just haven’t figured out how to ask for it yet. Imagine how the conversation turns when you just want to book an appointment but have to explain just a little. The word “transgender” itself can lead many services providers to think, “Whoa – I don’t want any part of this!” My mother is a massage therapist, and even though she works by referral only, on a couple of occasions through her approximately 15 year career she’s had someone make inappropriate comments or “requests”. And when you travel to people’s homes – discomfort quickly turns into a concern for safety. I think a lot of people start thinking along these lines when they hear “transgender”. It’s a genuine concern, of course, as sexual assault is sadly not uncommon.

But I just want advice and knowledge – how do I communicate that? How do I assure you that I’m quite capable of maintaining professional, appropriate behavior? My wife’s suggestion was to let her find the right person/book the appointment. She has a point, I believe, that her presence isn’t as potentially threatening. My concerns, though, are two-fold. One, I don’t like being dependent in this way. I depend on my wife for many things, as she does me, but this is something I want to be able to do for myself. Two, as one with ambitions of advocating for transgender rights, I want to have better advice for others like me than, “let your wife do it.”

Comments and suggestions are always appreciated!

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Duggar Dad Comes Out Against Transgender Girl Scout

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 17:56:00 GMT

This makes it that much harder for me to sit on the couch with my wife and watch the Duggar clan. It was always an exercise in voyeurism, as a lot of TV is -- which is perhaps one reason I don't watch that much TV to begin with.

I of course realized early on that Jim Bob Duggar's views, politically and socially, were conservative. But why does he feel the need to publicly voice his transgender-negative views on this top, which, the best I can tell, doesn't involve him directly. The transgender girl in question lives in Colorado, not his home of Arkansas. Plenty of individual Girl Scout troops across the country are weighing in on the issue -- so the conversation is being had. The fact that Mr. Duggar is campaigning with Rick Santorum, a politician who's stated that he would forcibly annul gay marriages.

I guess I'll have insist on Sister Wive's instead. While Kody Brown and family have their own conservatives views, at least they are willing to let others live their life how they choose.

Duggar Dad Comes Out Against Transgender Girl Scout

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Transgender: Real people, not terminology

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 18:59:00 GMT

Let me state this up front – I have decided to use the term transgender in my writing and work, though I really prefer “gender variant”. Maybe better yet would be “gender free”, or some other great term that says “I reject the notion that there exists two boxes, and that I must fit into one of them.” Transgender seems to be the term used by mainstream media (stories of Chaz Bono and Girl Scout troops all carry this label) – and it’s a term that I’m okay with. An “umbrella” term, if you will, that hopefully lends itself more to inclusion than exclusion.

A few years ago, I attended an LGBT training for social service providers. My very wonderful and supportive wife was already planning to attend, as she works in the social service field. Since it was free and open to the public, I decided to go with her and make it a date.

Living in socially conservative Central Illinois, I was very excited about this training. What we need most, out here in the cornfield, is exposure. I’ve encountered many who, living in small farming communities where any sort of attracting attention to yourself is social taboo, just haven’t ever personally known someone who identifies as transgender. As my wife came to realize, “It just has never occurred to them!” And when the only exposure you have comes through mainstream media, when all you are exposed to is Chaz Bono, Girl Scout troops, or a 2-line comical caricature on a TV show, it’s easy to objectify, belittle, and hate. What we need is real exposure – having a conversation, getting to know someone, seeing them as a real human being. It’s easy to disdain in abstract, it’s hopefully much harder when you get to know someone as an individual.

I hope some of those connections were made that day at the training. Unfortunately, I feel many got stuck or lost on terminology. When you take an individual who has had little or no exposure, and you start throwing a plethora of terms at them – LGBT gets expanded to LGBTQQI, Transgender (TG), Transexual (TS), CD, MtF or M2F, FtM or F2M – pretty quick it starts to sound like a Microsoft Programmer’s Manual (I actually do read those, so I know). Labels exist – my nonconforming teenage rebellion of years ago did not succeed in eradicating them – and sometimes they can be helpful. But in this case, I feel like it may have added a layer of objectification.

I’m not a term, I’m a human being. Let’s start there.

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Tags: transgender,gender variant